


Vultures

by Synful_Trixx



Category: Veronica Mars (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-13
Updated: 2014-05-13
Packaged: 2018-01-24 14:09:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1607948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Synful_Trixx/pseuds/Synful_Trixx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Amnesia is just another word for lost.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Vultures

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sequel to my fic [Ravens](http://community.livejournal.com/synful_fic/4122.html#cutid1), I would highly suggest reading that before reading this one.

_It’s seems like years since she remembered the details surrounding Lilly. Who killed Lilly Kane. The media attention has been gruesome; she’s the media’s darling. Poor little Veronica Mars, trapped inside her own head, unable to remember her boyfriend’s father having killed her best friend, his ex-girlfriend. She trembles, the tears escaping her eyes. The media swarms around her like bees to honey._

_She knows it’s only been a few weeks, but her life has been turned upside down. They’re headed back to their cramped apartment in Neptune, making the journey in silence. Her father glancing at her every few minutes, trying to gauge her reaction, trying to read her mood. He’s never been very good at it and this time isn’t an exception._

_She sees the “Welcome to Neptune” sign and breathes a sigh of relief. She’s home, or where her home used to be. Veronica knows she’s still fractured inside. Broken, but they say time heals all wounds, and the doctors think there’s hope._

_Her name is Veronica Mars. She is five feet, two inches tall, her hair is blonde, her eyes are blue, and she solved the murder of the century. For now, that has to be enough._

~~~

She’s drawn to the beach. The feel of the salt licking at her skin, the water lapping at her toes, it tickles the edges of her memory until she longs to remember. She can see Logan there; face so close to hers, yet so far away. She reaches out towards him, only to find him disappearing in the ocean spray.

The echo of his voice moving forward through time, teddy bears and ring toss, a kiss on the forehead and the ground shakes beneath her. Taunting words that slip, slide, burn down her throat till she’s gagging on them. He’s almost there and not quite sure, but she’s slipping away through the future before he overwhelms her.

She’s over and under and upside down before she makes it to the safety of her father’s car, ridden hard by the memories. Veronica’s sure she sees him, sees Logan now and then. He doesn’t dare say anything, not to her, not her anymore. No longer the whore, the skank of Babylon, she’s something different now, even if she doesn’t know what it is.

There’s no easy way to pass the boundaries she’s set. No easy way to walk up to him and say how much she thinks she remembers missing him. It’s almost painful to see the hope on his face every time she glances at him. Veronica’s not sure what he’s hoping for, can’t read behind the mask, but she really wants to give it to him. Wants to be the girl she used to be, just to erase the look on his face.

Gripping the steering wheel, knuckles white, a single tear slips down her cheek, followed by hundreds more. Veronica’s an echo, a memory, but she wants to move forward, wants the reality that’s dogging her step. Brushing angrily at her tears, she blames them. Blames the three for everything that’s gone before, and everything that’s come since.

They’re like vultures: Logan, Weevil, Duncan, circling around her, angling closer, coming to pick the carcass of her past, until she’s left with nothing but the bare bones. Maybe this is why she fears them, fears getting to the bottom of everything she almost remembers. She’s afraid they’ll pick her clean and there’ll be nothing left for her.

~~~

_The first day back at Neptune High: Go Pirates! A phrase she remembers clearly. Pep Squad is so clear in her mind. The days she can’t remember are the ones that came after. Not clearly anyway. They flash through her psyche, disjointed video without the sound and she’s sure they’re going to drive her insane. Go Pirates indeed._

_No one speaks to her, except Wallace. Her faithful Wallace. He’s overjoyed to see her, sweeping her up into his embrace; hugging so hard she’s sure she’ll have bruises to rival the ones after waking up in the hospital. Wallace manages to be silent, a difficult task for him, she knows, but right now, here, she needs the quiet to think._

_Logan, Weevil, and Duncan are waiting for her, just outside the school, but she knows, knows in a way that nearly crushes the breath from her lungs, that it isn’t the right time. She can’t face them, face the knowledge she’s all but forgotten. Wallace seems to understand, sneaking her around the side of the school, away from where they’re waiting, away from the drowning force of her memories._

~~~

Each day they get a little bit closer, playing musical chairs without the music. One table, two tables, three tables, four. They’re inching closer to where she sits quietly with Wallace, trying to appear inconspicuous, probably not realising how very obvious they are. Two rich white boys sitting with the deposed king of a biker gang are bound to attract attention, even hers.

Every time they get too close, she’s off and running, away from the past, far away from everything they stand for, and everything they stood for. Racing down the halls, her fingers tracing each lock as she flickers past, the memories thundering in like a ticker tape parade. Click, clack, banging back against the yellow of the lockers that almost matches their secret.

There’s a tremble in her step and she pauses, glancing back behind her, the breeze of memory ruffling her hair. He’s walking towards her, swagger in his hips, slow easy smile staining his lips. Words of favors, promises, done and owed, and she almost remembers smiling, but she’s not smiling now. He’s the genie there to grant her wishes, take them all away, the truth shining bright in his eyes, and she knows. No idea what she knows, but it’s there trembling on the edge of her tongue.

She likes the girl she’s working to become, likes herself best when she almost remembers. Veronica loses herself in the fantasy, white knights riding to her rescue, and she’s sure they’ll never measure up to the images inside her head.

Wallace is easy, friend to the end, someone who doesn’t remember the time before, doesn’t remember pink frills and satin dresses. He only knows the girl detective she’s trying so hard to be, but can’t find the passion for. Sitting close by her side, warning the vultures off. Sometimes it works, and sometimes she’s left sitting alone when it all gets to be too much for him. She smiles, he wavers, and here becomes a different time and place.

~~~

_On her request they rearrange her schedule. No more classes with them. She can’t handle their stares anymore, the hope gleaming on their bright shiny faces. They make her want to remember more than she’s capable of, straining with the effort until she knows she has to leave. Running. The girl’s bathroom seems as safe a place as any the first time it happens. Veronica knows that’s wrong when Logan walks through the door._

_She flashes briefly on the time before, him leaning over her, pressing her against the sink, and sitting on the counter. His breath is warm on her neck and she can feel an unfamiliar tingle race up from the bottom of her toes. The girl’s bathroom was apparently a flawed idea. She leaves silently, escaping again down the hallway, seeing clearly the way his face falls just before the door shuts behind her._

_No more classes with any of them. She can’t risk a misunderstanding. Veronica almost remembers them, wants to, but it’s not quite there, just out of reach, beyond the surface of the well she’s drowning in._

~~~

They’ve moved closer today, sitting one table over. Conversation stilted and hushed. This is the closest she’s let them be. The closest they’ve come to the new Veronica. An entire school walking on eggshells afraid to speak, afraid of the cavalry riding to her rescue, if you can call three young boys with more power than brains and no horses cavalry. She wants to scream, yell, rant, get even, she’s sure the old Veronica would have. The anger rises up inside her the closer they get, the closer she lets them, until she’s afraid it’s going to spill out over the brim of her memories, drowning them all. She glances up, meeting Duncan’s eyes, and it’s all over for her there.

She’s traveled the path that others fear to tread, danced it lightly while tripping over his feet. She wonders if she always wanted a brother, or only when the ghost of his lips whisper from the past. Veronica chokes back tears; eyes flying back to the table, gagging on tears of frustration. She realizes Duncan’s the most dangerous of the three. A brother who’s not, with a sister who was, except when they weren’t. She avoids him most of all, being here, there, and lost in between.

Uncertain what they’re asking of her, scared of the things she wants to be. Weevil barely brushes her arm before she’s spilling over the top, the anger plain on her face. Bad Ass Veronica Mars surfaces below the new memories, coming forth with a vengeance, nearly spitting in his face before she whirls away. Everyone watches in fascinated glee as she tears into him. A distant memory of a day so long past, she breaks him down, watches him fall. The old Veronica’s gone again as she finally remembers she’s no longer that girl.

~~~

_It’s almost a game now. Dancing through the hallways, through her life, seeing how often she can avoid their gaze without being swept away by the time before, almost a game. The only time she can’t seem to escape is lunch. Lunch when they sit ten tables over, moving closer, until she’s off, away, running through her memories trying to place why the three of them sitting together is so wrong._

_The nightmares are stronger here in Neptune, she focuses on that, focuses on the sweat dripping from her brow every time she wakes up at two in the morning screaming as his face leans in closer to her own; his voice still echoing in the darkness. She’s pieced herself together with half forgotten things, broken shards that don’t seem to fit, until she’s sure she resembles a stained glass window._

_She hears her own voice, serious and sincere, whispering in her ear as she looks at them. ‘It's what I do. When things get out of control, I need to be alone.’ She’s definitely out of control now, drowning in the things she almost remembers, the girl she almost wants to be._

_She’s rebuilding her life, here in Neptune California. She goes to school, avoiding Duncan, Logan, and Weevil as often as she can. She spends most of her time in the girl’s bathroom, which on occasion has not stopped Logan. Apparently before… the time before she remembers clearly, they spent a lot of time alone together in this bathroom. She’s not sure she wants to remember._

_There are days that she sees him, flushed, smiling gently, eyes alight with love and longing, but when she blinks the image is gone, and all she can see is the maniacal glee in his face as he smashes her headlights in and calls her a whore. Veronica knows that this isn’t the image she avoids, that the psychotic jackass isn’t the man he wants to be now. The man he almost manages to be. But she can’t help it, can’t help the shadow that hangs over the new memories she’s managing to make._

~~~

It’s been a week since she broke the surface, anger driving her on. The confrontation with Weevil was the catalyst to wake from her dream. They still sit one table over, gauging her reaction. Watching her face for signs of life, the hope still there. Veronica hasn’t managed to break them of that yet. A week of silence, of screaming inside her head, so loud she’s sure everyone can hear it.

Smiling tentatively in their direction, there’s a stirring, knowledge; slow smiles back as she turns back to her food. It isn’t the end, barely a beginning, but it’s a start. No longer running away, hiding in the girl’s bathroom, and Logan almost seems disappointed. Veronica’s not drowning in them anymore, treading the memories lightly, and taking deep gulps of air as she holds her place.

Holds their places in line, single file boys, she almost remembers what it’s like to hope. She smiles more, laughs more, remembers bit by bit, and it’s almost enough. With the good memories comes the bad nightmares, she’s almost sure they’ll drown her in her sleep. But she’s treading silently in place, waiting for the day when she can finally shake off the mire she’s been wading through.

~~~

_A shadow, a wisp, a memory of the girl she used to be, she just couldn’t seem to get the knack of being the person they all remember. They know about the forgetting, or at least they like to think they do. They understand she’ll never be the girl she was, the girl she’s supposed to be. Badass Veronica Mars, action figure daughter, she’s lost to a blow-by-blow description of how she got erased. The way they look at her when they think she’s not paying attention, she knows they’re looking for the shadow of recognition in her eyes._

Wistful, she sits alone in her bedroom, sorting through the pictures of the year she can’t really remember. They looked almost happy, miserable, sincere. Honesty shining on their faces until she knows she wants to remember, wants to drown in them until she remembers. She just has to figure out how.

Control, she has to give up the control, stop fighting against the tide threatening to pull her under. Veronica knows it’s harder to remember than it is too forget. She sighs as she closes the album, tucks it away in her desk drawer and leans back in her chair. Everything is easier said than done.

The nightmares are fewer now. She knows Aaron killed Lilly, she knows Lilly’s at peace now, she knows she just has to find a little peace of her own. Tomorrows the day, the day she lets them move a little closer. Veronica knows she’s going to be afraid, she’s going to run again, she’s going to deal with this on her own terms.

~~~

Passing Logan in the hallway used to be a nerve racking experience, seeing the hope light his eyes, but today, today is different. She smiles at him, unsure, trembling at the step she’s taking. He returns her smile, tremulous, uncertain and he waits. Stops in the middle of the hallway staring at her and she knows she’s finally stepping clear of the memories.

“Hi.” Her voice is weak, rusty with disuse, but it’s all he needs to take one step closer to her.

“Hi.” His voice breathes out.

It’s enough.

~~~


End file.
